Remember back in February when I laid out some of my health and fitness goals, uploaded this fitness track chart, and promised to touch base soon with my progress?
I didn't really do that, and for those of you who have been loyally reading my blog, I'm sorry.
As is often the case, life has gotten in the way of me achieving some of my goals. Really, I have gotten in the way. And I'm not ashamed to admit that, because life happens and we need to be kind to ourselves. But I have been avoiding posting about it here because I wasn't really sure what I could say.
So, I'll say this. I'm not perfect. Far from it. Like everyone else, I have my "things," my special cases that make me feel a little bit damaged at times and tend to hold me back from self-growth by hindering my confidence. It's far too easy to get swept up in self-pity and loathing, the biggest roadblocks to success, health-wise or otherwise.
Sometimes, I think it's important to just take a moment to evaluate your reality. Look in the mirror and make eye contact with yourself. Believe me, it's way harder to do that than you might think. Look into your own eyes and, out loud, state your goals. This might not be too hard. Then, try to verbalize the negative, self-hating thoughts that swirl around in your head, day after day, that you never share with anyone else. Say them out loud.
I bet you can't. Because I bet when it comes down to making them real by seeing and hearing yourself say them aloud, you'll realize that you're wrong. You're not fat. You're not a failure. You're beautiful and smart and want to make your world a better a place.
More important than weighing in or tracking your calories is this mirror check-in. Do it early, do it often. After a few days of forcing yourself to acknowledge how harmful your inner voice can be, you can start to set yourself free. Only then can you really overcome your challenges, whatever they may be.
Because for so many of us, weight loss isn't about getting up off the couch and going for a run or putting down the last cookie. It's about believing that we can be confident, happy, and the best version of ourselves. Realizing this, and figuring out how to love ourselves just a little bit more, is the key to jump-starting the healthy changes we want to effect. That's no easy feat. But I promise you it's a great place to start.
Have I eaten more vegetables since I posted my February Fitness goals? I sure have! Have I exercised as much as I should have? Certainly not. Have I lost weight? Honestly, I don't really know, because I've mostly been too afraid to step on the scale. And that's just sad. Weight is just a number, and weight loss is just a formula--a matter of calories out vs. calories in. My aversion to the truth is how I know my inner voice is involved and is stomping all over my confidence. What happens when you feel less than? You eat a pint of ice cream. You stay in rather than going for a walk. You drink too much wine. You go to bed too early. You tell yourself you deserve these things as a treat. And you do, if you want them. But are they really, truly the things you want? When I make eye contact with myself and ask that question, the answer is usually no.
As March wraps up, I challenge you to look yourself in the eye and ask what you really want. I promise it won't be a wasted effort. Thanks for taking this journey with me!